Harry Potter: Random, Stupid, Crazy
by PeacexLovexPercabeth
Summary: A collection of highly inappropriate and hilarious drabbles and crack fics.WARNING: Extreme OOCness, Sex Jokes, and Vulgar Language.


"Guys, look what I've got!" Ginny shouted across from the common room, running up to the Harry, Ron, and Hermione. She was holding a plastic bag of what appeared to be shriveled up mushrooms. When Ginny reached them, Ron snatched the bag from her.

"What the hell is this?" he demanded.

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Magic mushrooms."

Hermione's eyes widened. "Ginny, are you insane?"

"What's wrong, Hermione?" Harry asked, sounding confused.

"Magic mushrooms are a Muggle drug! They're extremely dangerous and they mess with your head. They're like alcohol, only more severe and unhealthy," Hermione answered.

"Pfft," Ginny said, "they're not as bad as dope."

Hermione gasped. "Where have you been up to? Ron, do you hear your sister? It seems as though she's buying drugs!"

Ron shrugged. "I'm fine as long as she's still a virgin."

"But—"

"Hermione, shut the fuck up," Harry snapped.

"_Thank_ you, Harry," said Ginny. "Anyway, who wants to try it out?"

"Me!" Harry, Ron, and Draco Malfoy said at the same time.

Harry looked around. "Whoa, when did you get here?"

"A few seconds ago," Draco replied. "Gimme a mushroom, girl Weasley."

Ginny dug into the plastic bag and pulled out a mushroom, which she shoved at Draco with great force. She then gave one to Harry and Ron. She turned to Hermione. "Come on, Hermione, we're teenagers, we're supposed to be experimenting."

"Yeah, Hermione, just try it," insisted Harry and Ron.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Oh, alright, but only this once. The next time you guys want to experiment with something dangerous, count me ou—"

"On the count of three, everyone," Ginny shouted, interrupting Hermione. "One—two—THREE!"

They all popped a magic mushroom into their mouths and swallowed. Fifteen minutes later, things got batshit crazy. It went a lot like this:

Ron put his hand in the air and waved it in a Beyonce-like movement. "All the single ladies," he sang, "All the singles ladies. All the single ladies, all the single ladies. All the single ladies, all the single ladies, all the single ladies. All the singles, NOW PUT YOUR HANDS UP! If you like it then you should've put a ring on it. If you like it then you should've put a ring on it. . ."

Harry grabbed Draco around the waist and pulled him close. "Draco, kiss me and kiss me like you fucking mean it! I LOVE YOU!" And they kissed fiercely, the shrooms causing them to forget about their bitter rivalry.

Ginny, heartbroken by this Harry-Draco gay kiss scene, cried, "HARRY, NO! DON'T LEAVE ME! I LOVE YOUUUUU!"

"When I say Hillshire you say 'farm'!" Hermione exclaimed. "HILLSHIRE! FARM! HILLSHIRE! FARM! GO MEAT!"

Snape, Dumbledore, and McGonagall, who had somehow managed to get their hands on some shrooms, were going insane as well.

"And what happened that day?" Snape said in a high-pitched voice that was definitely not his usual one. "Will in Whoville they say, that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day!"

Dumbledore sang, "Got up this morning. Things weren't working right. I said, 'I wanna make a change.' I said, 'I wanna fight.' Obama walked up and said, 'Yes we can!' I said, 'I wanna ride your nuts, 'cause I think you're the man.' Now I'm dick riding Obama, Obama. Now I'm dick riding Obama, Obama. . ."

"I am the mighty cat woman!" McGonagall shouted. "Fear me! I am strong and powerful, and having sexual relations with Albus Dumbledore! Come, Dumbledore, let's get to the bedroom and make hot, steamy love!"

"I'm sorry, Minerva, but I'm too busy dick riding Obama, Obama," Dumbledore replied.

Suddenly, Voldemort appeared. He seemed to have taken some shrooms of his own.

Voldemort cried, "NYEAAAHHH!"

**AN: Ah, it was fun typing this. The "Dick Riding Obama" song is from Boondocks. I'm sure you're all familiar with Beyonce's song "Single Ladies" and the Hillshire Farm commercial. SkyeElf's hilarious fic, "What Should Be In Harry Potter", inspired me to write this, and also because I was in that goofy mood. Hoped you liked it! Please leave a review, fave, and alert. :)**


End file.
